Natalia = Nuh-tall-ee-uh

"An Experiment in Love"

There have been a lot of things said about the ELCA's decision at the churchwide assembly on August 21st.  I've heard some beautiful and amazingly grace-ful things said, and I've heard some appalling and saddening things said too, and it makes my heart ache for the church and the people that are a part of it. 

My thoughts on this issue are not black and white - I wish they were, because that would make things a lot easier.  But my bottom line is that I believe this is simple justice.  Whether or not people agree with the decisions made is not as important to me as how we include and love people instead of holding some higher and others are held down.  Over 2000 passages alone talk about poverty and injustice, which leads me to believe it's a pretty important issue, no matter who is on the recieving end of injustice.

I have a go-to source when I'm confused about injustice.  Those of you who know me or read this faithfully you'l know that I count Martin Luther King Jr as one of the greatest theologians in history, and he has written plenty about injustice.  So I picked up my crazy huge anthology of his writings and got to work.  I found an older writing called "An Experiment in Love" and I read a part of it at my staff meeting this morning. 

"Along the way of life, someone must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate.  This can only be done by projecting the ethic of love to the center of our lives. 
    In speaking of love at this point, we are not referring to some sentimental or affectionate emotion. ... Love in this connection means understanding, redemptive good will.  When we speak of loving those who oppose us, we refer to neither eros nor philia; we speak of a love which is expressed in the Greek word agape.  Agape means understanding, redeeming good will for all men.  It is an overflowing love which is purely spontaneous, unmotivated, groundless, and creative.  It is not set in motion by any quality or function of its object. It is the love of God operating in the human heart.  Agape is disinterested love.  It is a love in which the individual seeks not his own good, but the good of his neighbor.  Agape does not begin by discriminating between worthy and unworthy people, or any qualities people possess.  it begins by loving others for their sakes. It is an entirely 'neighbor-regarding' concern for others' which discovers the neighbor in every man it meets."

I love this... not just because I think it is a good word for those who disagree with me, but because it is a good reminder for me of my call to love in the world, especially to those who I might deem are in the wrong.  And I am guilty of proclaiming others guilty, when my call should be to love those with him I disagree. 

Part of this comes down to simply living in community.  My husband and I take on roomates.  They don't pay, and we don't expect anything for it, but what we get is true and authentic community.  Last night was a great example.  Our roomate has a friend staying with us too (from OH) and so the friend, the roomate, and the roomie girlfriend came and made dinner, Sam and I made dinner and we ended up eating and sharing food and a table and had some amazing conversation for hours and hours.  That is community. And that again reminded me in a very very clear way that community is what God has in mind when God asks us to agape love each other. 

Again to MLK:
"agape is not a weak passive love.  It is love in action.  Agape is love seeking to preserve and creat community.  It is insistence on community even when one seeks to break it.  Agape is a willingness to go to any length to restore community. It doesn't stop at the first mile, but goes the second mile to restore community."

And yet it's important to remember the words of Bonhoeffer when he says that people who "love the idea of community more than community itself will destroy it."  Which honestly just makes me feel like even something as simple as community is not black and white.... so how can I expect love or justice to be this way? 

This is a long bunch of babble - but to end I want to quote a friend of mine from college and seminary who wrote this about "living in the grey" the day before the ELCA voted.  It is beautiful and well written set of thoughts on a difficult and messy process. 

"I choose to live in the grey because I'm pretty sure Jesus lives there. He was in the mucky middle every time he touched someone or invited soemone to break bread.  That's where I've got to be if i'm going to run into him going miracluous things.  I shoose to live in the grey because ambiguity is not always a bad thing.  It means admitting that, even when steeped in scripture, I don't know everything and that some things will be decided beyond my intelligence and according to God's perfect will.  I choose to live in the grey because I cannot bear to read only some texts or to digest them in only one way - none of us take the scriptures literally unless we are reading them in their original language in the original contexts.  We are all interprers of scripture and I will not be though less Biblically faithful because I am willing to admit that." 

I pray that I will continue to be faithful to loving others, loving my community and living in the grey.  Because although Im not sure of a lot of things, I am sure that Jesus is found in loving others, in authentic community, and living in the grey. 

 

Africa Journal...

I just got back from a ten day trip to Africa.  Here is my journal from the journey.

June 18th
Holy crap, I'm in Africa. After three days of travel we are finally here!  Oh there is so much to write about that I don't even know where to start!  We left Minneapolis 2 days ago - on the 16th, at 11am.  And then we flew, and flew and flew.  It was like we were on the plane forever.  It was nice to sit by Cheree on the long flight from Newark to Amsterdam even though the exit row wasn't nearly as awesome as I thought it was going to be... it was FREEZING.  I had to get three blankets just to make it to almost warm.  The flight from Amsterdam to Entebbe was worse.  I sat next to a bunch of college kids from England, who drank Heineken the entire time.  UGH.  It was so not cool.  But, we made it, and after an exhausted overnight in Kampala (the capital of Uganda) we drove all day in a hot and crowded van to Bukoba Tanzania.  For being a long and hot ride, it was beautiful and interesting and a little terrifying (they drive waaay crazier here than anywhere I've been - even worse than Guatemala!!).  The drive was colorful and green and full ofp eople doing double-takes at a van full of "mzungu" which means "white people."  I was assured that this term is not offensive at all.  We stopped at the Uganda Equator... which was something I never thought I'd do in my lifetime, so that was really cool.  

We saw the Nile river, and Smart said when the Rwandan Genocide was happening the only way they knew how had it was, was by the bodies floating down the river.  I can't even comprehend that.

We got to Bukoba around 5pm and had a little snack and then came to the main Cosad site (where I'm staying) and had a welcome meeting/party and dinner and a concert.  It was amazing.  A choir from Kugonda (the town where Smart grew up) was here and they started singing before they even got out of the van!  They were so good.  I got teary sitting there - just thinking about how amazing it was to be here and see their beautiful, happy, singing faces.
We had dinner (I had rice, I have a feeling I'll be eating a lot of rice on this trip) and then the choir sang a coupld  more songs for us.  They sang an "anniversary" song for me and Sam.  It was about how God brings two people together.  Smart helped direct it and he went all crazy dancing around and got so into it.  All in all - a pretty good way to celebrate my anniversary if I had to be apart from my husband for it. 

June 19th
MORNING
I am alone.  First, let me say how great it was to sleep in.  I feel just about human.  The rest of the group (alll 10 of them) left for the safari this morning.  I am here at Cosad by myself.  I think Smart is finally sleeping.  So I'll write and/or read until he wakes up, or until his intern gets back.  I tried to go outside but I don't know how the door works, so I guess I'll sit and write for a bit.  Hopefully intern Mark will come back soon.  We have plans to hang out and speak English today.  My tummy had a rough few days. Apparently travel does not agree with me when i don't know where I'm going.  But If finally feel good toay, and hopefully will stay that way now that I'm here and unpacked and settled.
EVENING
There were two geckos in my bathroom tonight.  They are cute but they move quickly!!  Today was good.  I wasn't sure what to expect but it was good.  I got up and journaled and then I read a couple of books from the OT and then read "Sundays at Tiffany's" for awhile.  I had lunch with Mark and Smart and Hope and then Mark and I listened while Smart taught us some things about Cosad and what they do here.  It's a pretty great organization and I'm excited to see what they do in the coming years.  After that, Smart and Hope took Mark and I on errands.  It wasn't all that exciting or anything, but just fun being in town and meet about a hundred people.  We met some Tanzanian rastafarians who make signs and one just got in the van with us.  We then ended up picking up Philemon, Tabitha, Edina, and Erasto too... they all just jumped in the van during random stops and stayed with us through dinner.  It was so different.  I guess it's just how it's done here.  Now we're back - we've literally been out all day (but I can't really tell you why it took so long).  Tomorrow the rest of the crew gets back... and it will be good to have them around again.

June 20th
Today was another good day.  I was nervous after I had a rough night (not being able to sleep - thanks jetlag) but woke up feeling good and decided to take a shower.  Remember that gecko i wrote about last yesterday?  When I went to take my shower he jumped on my head!!!! I didn't know what it was so it totally freaked me out.  I sort of hit him off and he hasn't been back since.  I named him Timmy last night, and I'm sad he's gone. 
I had another lovely morning with Mark.  We just drank chai (oh my gosh amazing) and talked and swapped stories.  it was good.
Around 3ish everyone came back from Safari - we swapped stories, shared pictures, had dinner, and hung out.  During dinner I learned how to make the greens - the ladies let me watch them make them while they were prepping dinner.  They told me I had to make them the next time. :)

June 21st
Busy day today.  We got up and dressed up and went to church in Kugonda - it was all Swahili of course, but it was stil great.  The music was amazing, as expected.  We spent the afternoon walking in Bukoba adn then to the beach of Lake Victoria.  We took lots of pictures, and then sat at a beachside restaurant and had drinks.  It was beautiful.

We had dinner at the "Victorious Perch Hotel" and Smart and I talked for awihle about "mission Bukoba" and if it was even possible.  My gut doesn't seem to think it's a good idea.  Unfortunately, the students on this trip weren't sure it's the best idea either, especially for a group of high schoolers.  We'll have to do a preliminary budget and see if it will work or not - maybe send a survey or something.  On our walk from dinner to the van, Mark and I had a great talk about poverty and talking to others about it.  More like, how do we see poverty and recognize that we play a part in it.  Not walking away thining we are "blessed" but walking away acknowledging that our wealth and blessings come at the cost of someone else's suffering and poverty.  Someone's life sucks because I have way more than I need.  It was a really good conversation and one I'll be thinking about for a really long time. 

June 22nd
Wow, what a long, hot and crazy day.  We started the morning going into town to buy supplies.  Sue, Aaron, Cheree, Ron, Mark, Smart and I were walking and some mean dude in a big van came and hit Cheree, then Ron, and then Sue.  All after one another.  It was nuts.  Smart was so upset, but no one was hurt - and I thought it was good for us to be treated poorly because of our skin color for one time in our lives.  mark and I went to the internet cafe while people were deciding on paint colors, etc.  It was good to be able to let my family know I am ok.  Then we waited for over an hour for Smart to come and get us... seriously. Here they call it "Tanzanian time" which basically means "a few minutes" really means anyhwere from 10 minutes to 3 hours. 
We eventually made it to the Bruce Lane Johnsons Community Resource Center and met up with the rest of the group and got to work.  We sanded for awhie, and then I played frisbee with some of the kids and Mark.  It was awesome.  The frisbee I brought was perfect.  It was softer plastic that was easier to throw and catch and didn't hurt, and they could fight over it and it didn't break.  :)   We had a blast.  It was sooo hot though, and we got all sweaty and dirty.  Mark made a comment about getting back to his childhood roots - being all sweaty and dirty and sunburned.  It was perfect. 
Then we walked uphill about 2 miles in the heat.  It was INSANE.  But, that's how close we were to the house where the other group is staying and so we ate lunch there, and it was good for us to see how most people get around (walking, not being chauffered everywhere).  After lunch,  we walked back down (way easier) and painted for a long time.  Tomorrow is the dedication and opening, and celebration so we've got a lot of work to do yet. 
We had an amazing dinner and Smart and Philemon taught us some songs and then danced for us.  I love Phil - he is hilarious and adorable. 
Back at the house we're staying, we showered (I owned that cold shower) and getting ready for a busy day tomorrow.

June 23rd
Another long day.  We got up early and went back to the BLJCRC for another day of work.  Painting, sweeping, watching windows and landscaping.  It was all in preperation for the dedication and ribbon cutting this afternoon. 
After lunch we dressed up and went back for the ceremony. It was very moving (oh the tears) and really beautiful.  There were choirs, and dancing kids, and government officials, and then Sue and Aaron and Cheree cut the ribbon and it was a party.  We danced and sang for all the people and kids (in Swahili) and then hung out for awhile.  (Tuubiri.  Yakana ka.  and then of course, Nampana, wa na Jesu).  It was a good afternoon/evening.  We hung out and had dinner and now we're home.  Tomorrow we head back to the BLJCRC in the morning to finish our work, and then we're going to go shopping and then they're throwing  us a farewell party.  I'm trying to wrap my head around this trip and the things I want to take from it.  I haven't just been to Africa.  I want to make sure that I have exeperienced Africa - and what does that look like?  Tonight on the drive home Mark was talking about how we shouldn't leave and pity the people here, (Africa has had enough pity for a lifetime) but instead we should leave and take away things like what they have here that we dont.  We put so many things in terms of material goods... people here do not.  It was made really obvious while we worked today... we tend to want to buy tools for everything (one tool for one purpose) and they use whateve they have laying around or modify something they already have.  It makes a striking difference.  They value things like community and family and caring for one another so much more.  Honestly it is a shocking contrast once you start to think on it.  There is no suicide and depression here - not because people don't have hard times, but because there isn't room for leaving people behind and outside in this culture.  It's hard to wrap my mind around it-  and I feel like it would be really easy to act like this was a great trip without having it affect my life when I go home - and while I don't think that Africa is somewhere that has captured me like Guatemala has, I think I can't ignore what I've learned here - and I hope that it doesn't change when I return to a home that is different from the one I've found in Tanzania. 

June 24th
Well.  Our last day is winding down.  We got up early again, went to buy more supplies and then went back to the BLJCRC one last time to paint again and do finishing touches after the dedication.  It was actuallly a lot of fun - I spent most of my day with Aaron and Cheree, and it was good.  We got to see some of our favorite kids and take final pictures, etc.  It was a sad moment when we drove away from the BLJCRC for the last time. 

Africa is not that different from Guatemala - and while it hasn't touched me in quite the same way, the people have.  Oh the people.  I have fallen in love with the people here.  They are the reason I will return, and the reason I would brave the flight and travelling. 
After lunch and some short shopping ... we went to the homes of Erasto and Philemon.  We met wives and children of these two men who we'd come to know and love so well and they fed us some amazing food.  It was so crazy to eat each time and it felt like they were giving us so much more than we deserved - but for them, they said it was such an honor to be with us and have us in their homes. 
We came back to the Cosad house and the Bukoba choir came and sanf for us.  Oh my gosh.  They were absolutely phenomenal.  They are known as the best in Tanzania and I believe it.  Smart gave a speech, as did many others.  Tears were shed, gifts given, drinks opened and the party began.  Smart said they party like this so that they get so drunk they don't know when we leave.  The choir sang "we are marching" and had us come and join them in singing and dancing and then we sang another song - one of the ones that Phil and Smart taught us!!!  It was an amazing moment.  We had on our african skirts (called conga) and were dancing and singing in a big gropu with the choir and all our Cosad friends under the most amazing starry sky.  I don't think I will ever forget it.
 We leave tomorrow.  while I am excited to go home - I leave a part of my here, and I'm sad to be going.  But, as Smart said - we are Tanzanian now - and this is another home for me.   

I blessed the rains down in Africa...

Yep that's right.  I'm off to Africa. 
Tomorrow.
Yeeek!

I have a lot of nerves about this trip and I'm not sure why, but it's been making my tummy rumbly for the past week or so. 

So, if you are one of my faithful blog readers, I'd love some prayers for health and safety and for my tender tummy.  :)

thanks - and God bless!!

Blogging is difficult sometimes...

I was reading a friend's blog today - and he talked about how he was sorely lacking in actually blogging.  I feel his pain.  I really think about things and feel like a blog is a good way for me to process, but I never actually do it. 
So - here's what's been on my mind.

A couple of weeks ago I helped "preach" at a church that I've been a part of in a limited capacity (working in a different church makes being VERY involved a lot more difficult).  I was a part of a panel for a series on Questions of faith.  It was a great morning.  I really felt like God used me to speak to people, and I hope that I was helpful and not hurtful about communicating the reality of sin, evil and suffering in our world (yes, big topic).  It's really got me reminded of my studies of Karl Barth.  He was this great German theologian who talked about "loving in freedom."  God freely loves us.  We are given love freely.  Sometimes we misuse that love and that freedom, and other times there is such beauty in it we can hardly speak.   I had a few people tell me afterwards that I have a gift, and that I should consider becoming a pastor.  Without sounding cocky, I have heard that before.  But here's the thing that's been on my heart - I don't want to be a pastor.  I love preaching, I love sharing good news with people and debating Biblical truth with people.  I love acting out the words of Jesus in the world, but I don't want to be a pastor.  Honestly, it makes me sad that the only way I can have a voice in the church is if I'm "ordained."  I'm trained, I take all the same Bible classes as those pastor types, but I just don't want to do all the things they have to do.  I don't want to do weddings, funerals or baptisms.  I don't want to lead decisions, and be a part of a highly political and heierarchical atmosphere.  It's just not for me.

That leads me to my next random musing - which is that I'm not even sure the church is where I'm supposed to be.  Some time ago my boss told me that I was called to this place, and that my vocation (my call) was to be here, and that I can't look at this as a job.  Well I do.  I do look at this as a job.  It's a job where I currently fulfill my vocation of working with kids.  I know that is what my vocation is, and I'm not sure if the church is the place to do it anymore.  I love my students.  I can't even begin to imagine a job without the parents and students that I love.  But I'm in a big question-mark phase right now as to what lies ahead...

So yeah - that's where my head is. 
For now anyway.

Surgery...

Surgery is done.  I'm recovering well.  I'd say I'm at 80%.  I'm not supposed to resume "normal activities" until Friday, so that nixes yoga, walking, running, lifting things that are over 20pounds (which is really, really light by the way), having any sort of personal life, and fun. My life is lame sauce this week. Oh well, it's time to catch up on reading and blogging, movies and tv shows.
Just thought I'd update in case any of you were wondering how it went.  I'm still waiting on pathology, but other than that - my uterus is hopefully fixed and life can go on normally again! YEAH!

Hello bloggie my old friend

So I was thinking about my blog this weekend.  I never write in it because I feel like I have to have something profound and amazingly beautiful to say every time I write.  But that's not really the point is it?  I guess I just want a place to get some of my thoughts out.  It's a public place, I'm aware, but I still have things that are in and need to be out.

This week I have surgery.  Not a lot of people know, and that's mostly because I'm not sure what to tell people.  Blunt seems to be the only way. I have a defective uterus. I'm having surgery to hopefully correct it.  It's been an interesting form of grief to think that having children was something I took for granted... and for awhile when things were in the big "we don't know what the problem is yet" stage, there was a real concern that I might not be able to have kids.  Wow does that change how you think about yourself.  It really made me think about how women are expected to have children, and what it does to them if they can't.  I really felt like less of a woman for about a week when we knew what the problem was, but didn't know if it was fixable.    I think the surgery will correct things now but it's not a 100%... and that's scary.  Surgery is on Thursday. Pre-op is tomorrow.  I think even more difficult than the surgery is going to be not thinking about it on Wednesday night as I try to do my job.  How do people do it?

Anyway - that's what's on my mind.  Not profound, but there. 

My Rant

So again it's been awhile since I've written, but I promise, I've been blogging.  Just not here.  I went on a mission trip with my senior high students to Montana and blogged about the adventures at http://revolutionatpop.blogspot.com, check it out if you're interested. 

I'd like to rant for a minute and I hope that you faithful readers take this advice and spread it around...  not just for my sake, but for the sake of women everywhere. It's been a bug in my bonnet for awhile now, so I've decided to say a few things about it.  What "it" am I referring to, you might ask?  BABIES.  I've been married three years.  THREE.  In the grand scheme of my lifelong marriage (hopefully 50+ to my love Sam) three years is a moment, a breath.  And yet, many people of my acquaintance assume that this comletion of three years of marriage must mean I want to start having babies and lots of them right now.  "The time is right"  "You don't want to wait too long"  "You must be so ready to start your family"  "Have you thought about when you're going to start your family?"  and my favorite - "are you pregnant?" 

Here, in no particular order, are some of my thoughts/arguments to the above.
1.  Actually this one IS in first place for a reason - no one, EVER should have the right to ask any woman if they are pregnant unless they are at a doctors office and have a medical degree from an accredited medical school.  This is, quite possibly, the worst question you can ask a women if they are not pregnant, so why even take the risk?  I say this out of much experience in the past few months... Just DONT ASK IT.  I may carry extra weight around my tummy area, but that doesn't mean you need to point it out and make me feel like eating for the next week is a bad idea. 

2.  Families do not need children to be called families.  I consider me and my husband a family.  It is not ok that we are made to feel that we are not a family unless we have a brood of children walking behind us.  Family units are not just husband, wife, children anymore and it's time we started thinking of them in more ways than that. 

3.  When my husband and I decide to start a family, it will be because the timing is right for us, and because we have prayed about it and feel like God's timing is right for it as well.  It is not your body that has to gain 50 pounds and pop out a baby so let me have one when I'm good and ready (and when I'm good and ready I'll be sure to let you know).  Like the author of "Eat, Pray, Love" says - if I don't want one as badly as a tatoo on my face then I'm not ready.  So for all of you out there, I'm in no way ready for a tatoo on my face so stop asking me to get one.  And instead of constantly asking us when we're going to start - why don't you just take a minute and remind yourself that God has it covered and you might as well not go against the wishes of the big guy.  Also - if you really want a baby around so much, why don't you have one? 

4.  Until I figure out a way to have a kid and still be focused on God and building the Kingdom, I'm not even going to think about having a baby.  It is a huge peeve of mine when people turn away from God and focus 100% of their time, energy, money and prayer on their kid.  I'm sure when it happens to me, I'll want to do that too, but I am not sure it is what God intends for parenthood and until God proves me wrong I'm going to keep throwing all that time, energy, money and prayer at God.  God'll use it better than a kid will anyway. 

5.  See number 1 just one more time for my sake. 

Loneliness/Solitude... Hostility/Hospitality

I feel like I always start my entries by saying how little I have been writing... but school is winding down, and I'm finished with the hardest stuff, so that being said - I think I am going to have time and thoughts to start writing again.
For my senior seminar this spring we had to read a book called "reaching out" by Henri Nouwen.  I hate to sound all "this book changed my life" and such - but this book changed my life.  The fist section is about moving from loneliness to solitude... and what it means to really find yourself in the midst of deep loneliness and how to move from that to solitude.  The older I get, the more I find I need solitude... and I feel like lately I've been so focused on my job, my marriage and my education that I've really let that need for solitude be pushed down and ignored.  This is extremely detrimental to my health and my relationships.  I get cranky, short and irritable and become quite a pain to work with and to live with.  So the question that arises seems pretty obvious:  why don't I just take time for solitude?  I had some time to think on this lately, and while 90% is my fault to be sure, there is a 10% fault given to our society.  What would happen if someone asked me what I was going to do this weekend and I answered "nothing, absolutely nothing."  What if I took a personal day to spend time in solitude and not to get something else done?  Our society really looks at solitude as laziness, and it's a tough thing to overcome.  It's hard enough to overcome it in my head, much less in the world out there... What is even harder is that I personally thrive on being busy and although I crave solitude, I don't really like it that much.  I am the worst at not checking email or texting or getting on IM just to fill the silence and the void.  But in following Christ, I need to take time and go away, by myself and just be.  Be in silence, be in nature, be in prayer.  Just be.
In the next section of the book, Nouwen asks us to make a move from hostility to hospitality.  I suck at this.  Really.  I know I come across as a nice person, but there are many people to whom I am not hospitable.  I just hold onto that grudge, or put up that wall, or proliferate that gossip.  UGH.  I'm the worst.  There aren't many things I read that challenge me as much as this did.  What does it look like to go to a person who is treating you poorly or mis-representing you to the world and treat them with love and hospitality?  I barely know because I rarely do it.  Being convicted on this was not enough - and I decided to try it, with a person in my life that I have been bumping heads with for a Looong time.  And you know what?  it worked!  Imagine that!!  Instead of being defensive and hostile, I tried to honestly be humble and hospitable.  Not only did it make me feel better about myself (instead of the fake-feeling humility and kindness when I was hurt or angry) but it caused a hospitable response instead of a hostile one from the person in question. 
God really called me out on this one... and I'm glad God did... while the move from loneliness to solitude and hostility to hospitality is a tough one, it's one that I am willing to make and struggle through, not for any reason except it gives me a peace of heart and mind, knowing I am loving people the way they deserve to be loved - no matter who the person, or what the circumstance. 

Give to Receive

I wrote this in our Prince of Peace Blog for our "Surprise Me" series... but I wanted to post it here too...

Yesterday I had a meeting with a guy who is our main speaker at the metro-wide 30 hour famine... of which I am a planning team member (you know, in all my free time). I was a little annoyed about the meeting because it wasn't that much stuff to talk about, but it required more than email or a phone call. The guy who is speaking is a friend from a few years ago, and so it was good to see him on one hand, but on the other, it took time out of a busy schedule. SO... needless to say my attitude was not that great to start it off. Here's the surprise: not only was it so so so good to see him again, and our conversation confirmed that he was the right choice for speaker, BUT the heart of this guy changes you... just sitting and talking with him changes my heart. That's how amazing he is. I am giving you all this background because I don't want to take any credit for the things I'm about to write, God used my friend to speak straight into my heart, and that's who gets the credit. GO JESUS.
We were talking about the message of Jesus, and how it would have the same effect today as it did when Jesus walked the earth. Jesus had this tendency of turning the culture upside-down and totally freaking everyone out. My friend said that we live in a time where everything is about what it can do to me, and even the most well intended people, if honest, would say the same is true about church. We think that we go to church to receive something, so that we can go out and give something. This is a great intention, he said, but it's not what Jesus would say or do. Jesus said we give to receive... not the other way around. So instead of coming to church with the intention of receiving something, we should go into church thinking about what we can give by being there. Can you imagine this flip? And it's not that going to church to be filled in order to go out and give is a bad thing, it's just not what Jesus had in mind for the church. It is in giving that we receive. It is in pouring out that we are filled up.
WHOA. I had to take a minute when I got in my car and let this settle because it's a big one. It seems really obvious, but when I thought about it, it's not that simple in practice. How often do I go to church to fill up my emptying heart? How often do I look at the worship and the prayers and the messages as things that give me something? What would it look like for me to really give in church, instead of take? What would it look like in friendships, in community, in my marriage, if I gave first... instead of receive first?
I dont have the answers to any of those questions, but man - this was a HUGE surprise that God threw at me today. I really felt like God was looking in my heart and saying "no no natalia dear, you've got it all wrong!" So thanks God, for speaking right to me through my meeting. What a great surprise.

Is there anybody out there?

Well... it's been awhile.  I took some time from blogging to focus on my insane course load at grad school and while there were times I opened up a page to start writing, there was always something that came and took my attention away from it.  Yes, I could have written an entry here or there, but I want to make sure my head is in whatever I blog.  I want to be thinking about what I'm writing, and not just write whatever comes to mind. 

So the title of my blog is not about life in the universe or answers in the blogosphere - it's about Christians.  I've had some interesting conversations lately with students, friends and family about Christians.  Not Christianity, but Christians.  In all those conversations, one question has stuck out more than others... where are the Christians??

There are a lot of people out there who faithfully attend church every Sunday, and even more who profess to be Christian... but the overwhelming issue among Christians and non Christians alike is the same - where are Jesus-following Christians?  Where are the people in the church who are all about loving people?  Where are the people in the church who are inclusive and accepting?  Where are the people who forgo their own wealth for the sake of others?  Where are the people in the church who serve others instead of looking out for themselves? 
I'm sure people out there reading this are thinking I'm being overly dramatic and are saying that those people are out there... but why is it so hard to find them?  It should not be so hard to find people who are about love and acceptance.  Especially in churches.  But it is hard - and this is what has come up again and again in conversations with people...

Sam and I spent a part of our MLK Day listening to "the Drum Major Instinct" ... which is my favorite sermon that MLK gave.  (I talked about it two blogs ago)  He talked about this instinct we all have that compels us to lead.  It compels us to be in the front and especially be first.  But at the end - he talks about being a drum major for justice and for peace and for love instead of being a drum major for the things that society tells us to seek first.  And I guess that's what I'm trying to say too... when I die, it's not going to matter what I had, or what kind of car I drove, or if I got the coolest new shoes or TV or anything like that... it's going to matter who I loved, and who I served.  Not because I want people to look at me and say I'm so good - but because it's who Jesus called me to be, and because I am a Christian... and I want to be the kind of Christian that makes other people want to follow this Christ guy that I follow.  I want to be the kind of Christian that helps people experience God.  I want to be the kind of Christian that actually does what Jesus asked me to do... knowing that I'll fail, but also knowing that I'm going to do the best that I can, and that's good enough for Jesus.